Our Group

[Draggart]

Chris Moynihan & Wayne Nims are at odds.

Chris- Is a liberal democrat, is tall and weakly skinny, although I have noticed some weight gain in the face. Chris looks a lot like Scotty Pippen from the Bulls. Chris was part of the Dave Bonvie, Jason Crosby, Brian Hall basketball team that never lost a series in it's history. Dave was the 3 pointer, Jay & Chris were the shooters, and I was the muscle and rebounder. Chris wears new age euro-hipster clothes and drinks uniquely flavored beer. Chris thinks most things suck. That is his catch phrase "that sucks" why? "because it just sucks". If I had a nickel for everytime I heard Chris say that I would be a rich man. Chris is a very neat and organized person, yet seems not to be able to get anything done. Chris is a consumate procrastinator, he always does everything last minute. Chris has long spider-like fingers. Chris would lick his fingers while eating Doritos much like his little brother used to pick his scabs and lick his fingers, this is how Chris was given the name Moisthands, although this is a relatively new name. Chris likes to think of himself as a sensative man, he is the guy that wants to talk and get to know a chick he likes and then bang her. When Chris gets drunk, he gets silly and sleepy. I once found him curled up next to Gay Mat's toilet in Carver. He had passed out from drinking too much, so I continued to urinate, it is not my fault if some of my oversplash wet his t-shirt. Chris used to have little to no money ever. He would often play quarter cards with the nickel and two dimes he dug out of his couch earlier that day. Chris left the Whitman area to join a new circle of friends to develope a new Chris that everyone would think is cool. He succeeded but he doesn't fool the kid who sat on the baseball bench for City Glass in 1987, talking about D & D. In a perfect world Chris would be playing acoustic guitar for some "cute" not "hot" chick singer and banging her.

Wayne Nims- Is a Republican, actually he thinks he is a Republican and is too stubborn to see that he is really not one. Not as the party defines itself today. Stubborn is a good word to define Wayne as well as vain, that is why I call him Vayne. Not vain in the sense of, "look at my hot bod" but vain in the sense that everything he does or likes is awesome. Wayne and Chris clash often. Wayne is off the cuff, Chris is into minutae rules. Wayne is big and strong, Chris is not. Wayne always has money is willing to pay for pizza, alcohol, etc., he is generous and saves his money unlike Chris, although he would have been generous if he had money. Wayne is always on time and never late. Wayne likes chick and black dude drinks. Who the fuck drinks Zima. Dude that is malt liquor, black guys drink that shite. When Wayne gets drunk he gets loud, arrogant, and sometimes mean. Wayne surrounded himself with a group of inferior friends (Boo, Mat, Jaime, Pat, Hippy) who are or were all emotionally, financially, or physically challenged to allow himself to be the superior one in the group. Wayne is frustrated by Chris because Chris is able to intelligently argue against him usually resulting in a stalemate with both falling back on saying "because it sucks" and Wayne just speaking louder. He must be correct if he is the loudest, right? Wayne would bang first and then talk later. I once saw Wayne at 23 make out with a 15 year old who rode her bike to Mat's place. Wayne is much more social than Chris. This is due to confidence. I share Wayne's secret fetish/fascination for Nazi Germany and Adolph Hitler. In a perfect world Wayne would be a volleyball star because he has virtuallly no other athletic talent or stamina to play any other sport. People would worship his mad volleyball skills on big screen tvs.

Kurt and Scott are similarly unexciting

Both Kurt and Scott voted for George W. Bush. They believe they are politically, republicans. Both are kinda boring. You aren't going to hear wild stories of Kurt and Scott. Scott cannot smile. Scott is another procrastinator and he is lazy with little motivation. I am venting some band anger here, I'm sorry. Little is known of Scott's past to us, other than what we have seen in crappy local bars. Scott is a bald guy with long hair. At first I thought this was bad but now I realize this is the best look for him, example-Boo a bald guy with short hair. I'll take Scott anyday. Scott enjoys stupid goofy jokes. He is the kinda guy that would have a pull my finger doll that farted. Scott drives a pick-up and drinks American brews. He is a model good old boy. Kurt plays soccer, he was good enough to play on his college team. Why soccer, how is that an exciting game? Soccer is about as exciting as Kurt. He is quiet, doesn't say too much. Kurt is a classic no show. I don't know how many basketball games and other outings I put together to have Kurt not show up to, not a call or cancellation, nothing. It was a running joke whether we thought Kurt would ever show up. Kurt had a cool basement at his house for watching tv and playing D&D. When I was younger I would drive my Nissan Pulsar over to Kurt's house and we would clean and wax it before I went out with a chick. I guess in a way Kurt admired me. Kurt disappeared for several years when he went to college. Kurt is a German, his father is a German, and his grandfather, probably a Nazi. Wayne would love to have Kurt's lineage.
In a perfect world Scott would be in an Elvis Tribute band where everything was done for him and Kurt would be a soccer star playing for millions of foreigners.

I love you guys.

[Aelor]

This, quite possibly, is the funniest thing I have ever read.

Especially since most of it is spot on.

Also, in my perfect world, everything would occur in London and we'd all have fantastic British accents. And the whole band would be cute-hot chicks that I was banging.

[Olwyn Kindric]

You must have some serious disposable time at work. I was all wrong. This post is balls on accurate and entertaining. I guess now Chris, Wayne, Scott and myself should come up with a little statement on Sir Brian Hall. So much to say on such a little message board about a legend.

In my perfect world I would be playing professional soccer, or "football", in England. I would be Chris' neighbor in London also with a British accent and banging the chicks in his band as well as each Spice Girl. Anybody for a little Baby Spice?